Wedding Planning

Someone asked me recently,
"Now that you are in the process of planning a wedding, what is the hardest part about it?"
I paused enough to sigh before sharing,
"Oh, the steps in which planning talkes place aren't so bad.  The hardest part is not wanting to plan it anymore."

Be it a desire to elope, or hide from the responsibility and the drastic life changes that are right around the corner, the hardest thing about planning a wedding, a marriage, and a life together, is actually the planning. 

Planning means a need to be practical and look at all your needs, and wants, that are necessary for putting together the big day and then everything that follows.  Yes, it is an absolute pain to work with caterers and to try to stay inside a 4,000 dollar budget.  It is exhausting to make sure dresses fit everyone, including yourself for the special day.  And it is nearly insane to sign a lease for an apartment that, for the first time in your life, you and your soon to be spouse are solely responsible for.  Even how the thought of finding a job to support the two of us and our future plans takes the breath right out of you; even that seems to be too much to bear.  But all of this, and so much more, seems so small in the shadow of the time and energy it takes just to get it all together. 

It's not so much not being sure whether or not it will all turn out well in the end, it is that we have to do all this stuff to get to the inevitable end.  The end will be good, but the planning, it is the planning that makes you doubt it.  And maybe there is where the magic lies in planning a wedding.  Because when you do finally reach that end, having actually waded through the turmoil of the planning, you can finally enjoy how good it all turned out, in it's absolute fullest form.

The life of a recent college graduate

First of all, I can hardly believe I have already graduated college.  Man, that zipped by.  That of course leads into the daunting reality that I should be doing something with my life ....

Well, two weeks in and so far I have turned down a job, selling Cutko knives door to door, am living with my grandfather.  While here I do my best to keep the place tidy and prepare at least two meals a day for the two of us.  I have also helped with planting a garden and flowers and am now at the tedious task of re-adhering 30 year old wall paper to the walls.  What fun!  This is of course alongside me trying to find a job and plan a wedding.  It gets a bit hectic, but people are always reminding me to take it a day at a time.

I have been greatly blessed amidst all of my anxiety and it is coming in all shapes and sizes.  One is that I don't really care to spend a whole lot of time in front of this computer, which I am glad not to miss since we don't have wireless on the farm.  Though tiring at times, living with and taking care of my grandfather, has really been a joy.  I love this man dearly and he is a real spit fire.  Gotta love that in an old geezer.  And I get to practice my healthy cooking.  My grandpa said today that he eats a lot more vegetables when my mom and I are feeding him.  That made me smile.

Well, though I am still unemployed, I am finding things to fill my time and at the end of the day, enjoying it.  Right now I am working on restaining Matt and I's kitchen table.  Tomorrow we will have our first marriage counseling session, and then I will get to fill in at the Swiss Swirl for a few hours!  So I suppose I'm not totally unemployed. 

Hope everyone else is doing well.  I know things are overwhelming at times, trust me, I have had at least 6 anxiety attacks since graduating, but there are always blessings.  And those are the things worth holding onto.

and now for a little, RANDOM!

• I used the wrong form of a word in the section above and I don't feel like changing it.  I think I am developing a writing disorder.  Similar to dyslexia except it mostly affects my ability to write words correctly.  For the last few years it has been getting progressively worse beginning with the word het (that is usually supposed to say 'the').  The disorder has only progressed from there to become something of making me appear absolutely unintelligent in all of my writings.  The original issue stated is a perfect example.  Someone is out to destroy my mind.
• My floor is covered in gratitude.  My friends Hayley and Ashley came and showered me with thanks yesterday, quite literally.  They threw confetti at me that were cutouts of the word 'thanks'.  I began cleaning my room tonight and have thus far decided to leave my thanks on the floor.  It makes the room still appear to be filthy, but really, I only have two weeks left in this dorm, I think the world can handle a little gratitude left on the floor.
• Hayley is really good at acting like she has multiple personalities ... But seriously, she is really talented.  I don't think I have really been able to watch her have a very large role in a show and it was neat to see that part of her abilities be put into action.  My friends are amazing!
  
• Matt Cable should always wear big-boy shorts.  In other words, tall men are not flattered in 80's attire and should probably wear things that flatter their figures.  Though, he was certainly an adorable, really large, four year old.
• Some people will do just about anything for a free shirt.  I used to be one of those people.  It is so great to be a grown-up.  Now if only they would offer things like paying off my loans ...
• Matthew and I own our very own kitchen table and chairs!  I feel like a grown up.  Now the only big things we really need for living together are, well, a place to live and a bed!  That is really pretty good.  But really!  For fifty dollars today we bought a sturdy 90's styled little dining room set.  It's a little nicked up, but great for use!  It is going to be fun some time this summer to sand it all down a bit and re-stain it darker and recover the chairs.  I am looking forward to taking all of our mismatch furniture and bringing it together to look like a home.  YEAY!

Jealousy is hard

It's hard having a fiance who has a sister who's not really his sister.  But that really isn't the issue.  It's this deep root of jealousy that is surging through my human veins telling me that someone is incroaching on my territory.

Territory!?  Matt is a man, a human being, not a plot of land, yet I feel as though I own certain parts of him, that certain parts of who he is belong only to me.  I know that a large sum of this is quite rediculous, but another is probably romantic and flattering.  I, being somewhat a realist in many ways, find it rediculous.  It causes me to waste time thinking of scenerios I must have us both avoid and getting myself all worked up over things that haven't even happened.  And then once I get started, all females are a threat!  Even one of my close friends who is engaged to be married in two months and makes Matt laugh at a joke at lunch.  Not really a serious incroachment, but noteworthy none the less.

Jealousy sucks.  I don't like it any more than the next person.  And Matt's "sister" really is a great person.  But it's hard having some other girl have a personalized nick-name from him.  A piece of him that will never be mine.  Which really, he was God's first, and then his parents, and then so many other people's before me, what makes me so special anyways?

Why does this get me so crazy?  yuck.  And I have a paper to write, some sleep to be doin, and an 8:00 class tomorrow!  Woo-hoo!

Gilmore Girls is helping me block out reality

I am on the fourth season of Gilmore Girls.  I might also add that I have started from the beginning of the show approximately a month ago and am already half done with this season.

See, I'm sure this would seem to be barely impressive, except I am also planning a wedding, looking for a job when I graduate, eating, sleeping, spending time with my friends and fiance, trying to keep up with my family and going to bridal showers, as well as prepare for a wedding I am shooting in two months, my first photo gig since Strength in Numbers, and on top of all that I am working through my most grilling semester of college I have had to push through yet!  I am in Biblical Interpretation and Systematic Theology II as well as other classes that of course require my attention as well as application.

Rory just had to drop a course because she was taking five and it was too many.  I am taking six.  I don't think I have ever had a semester where I took less than five classes.  I'm not sure if I have ever taken only five.  Who am I!?  Oh my goodness.  And I wish I could go shopping to relax, but sadly I don't have a loaded mother (or grandmother) who will take pitty on me like Emily and even if I had the kind of relationship with her that Lorelai does, I wouldn't complain!  Shopping is therapeutic sometimes. Man!

One thing I don't envy is the dating drama that goes on in the show, but, well, how else did the show get popular?

But all that to say, I have lost so many hours watching Gilmore Girls, but it is during those hours that I am relaxed and feel like I have no cares in the world.  So why am I taking a break right now?  Well, as a testament to how much of this show I have been watching, my dvd player over heated and I had to turn it off and give it a rest.  So, I suppose once I finish ranting I will finish prepping for my hour long group presentation tomorrow and edit a paper on a Philosopher that I know nothing about. 

Well, I suppose that's it for me here.  Maybe you can meet me in Stars Hallow some time.  Can't say I would hate it.